i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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