so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
