I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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