we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
