You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
