found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
