yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
