i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
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I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize