he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
