so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
