Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
