The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
