the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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