she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
