so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
