I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
