I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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