HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
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he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups