Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.