i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
pray to the hookup gods
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?