You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
