my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
