i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
