his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
