Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
