it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i came on her dog
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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