Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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