So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
