In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
