Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
