we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
