ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
