I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
