I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
