Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
