the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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