I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
