Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
