I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
