I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He did a backflip because drugs
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