Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
