Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this will be a night to untag.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
