I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
