I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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