you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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