You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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