I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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