Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
