and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
