Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
