Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
