Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
