Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
