Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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