It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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