Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
