dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Who did Billy Mays play for?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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