I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
