Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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