Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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